White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
