Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
