Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
