You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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