how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
