i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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