yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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