i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
