and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
