She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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