I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he wants to bone in the snuggie
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
