im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
