she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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