They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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