Yo dont text me then not text me
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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