I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
