I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
