He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
