yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
