I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
