oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
