Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
