This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
