i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
