I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
is wine microwaveable?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You ruined the universe
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
