Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
