I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
