Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
