I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
