It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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