all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
