I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
