And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
