I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
