tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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