Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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