I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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