smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
