clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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