Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
