I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
