my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
