I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
