Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
