so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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