i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
