Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
