cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
