I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
accomplished twins. life is a go
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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