He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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