you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
