he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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