Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
