If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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