So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
